Patience still isn't my virtue

You know, I thought it would get better. 

It didn't.

Once I made it through FRP, I thought the anxiety and the paranoia would go away.

It hasn't.

Will I get a January invite?

Probably not because I'm so far down on the list.

My fingers are crossed for a March invite.

It might seem like I'm complaining. I'm really not. I am so grateful that I've made this far.  All of my hard work has paid off, and it happened relatively quickly. However, I feel like my life is in limbo.  I canceled my 5 week vacation and now I'm just sitting here. waiting. For someone to tell me something. 

This is not conducive to my type-A, control freak, slightly OCD personality.

We have had this conversation before right about here.  I actually just re-read it and I'm pretty obnoxious and so full of myself. It's pretty funny considering a couple of months later I was rejected.  Talk about eating massive amounts of chocolate cake after that.  

Anyhow, I think I'm going to start planning my vacay with J. We're now discussing Tuscany or Prague.  At this point, I don't care where I go as long as I go somewhere with my love.  My friend is going to Turks and Caicos? No, it's not Aruba. It's somewhere in the middle of the Caribbean.  Maybe I can score a present.

Ummm......

Standing in front of the fax machine with a co-worker..... 

Her:  You're going to Africa soon, right?
Me:  Yes. I leave Jan 18th.
Her:  You must be so excited!
Me:   I am! I've been looking forward to this trip for 2 1/2 years now, and I haven't taken any
        time off work since I came back from Thailand. I'm so ready.
Her:   Where are you going again?
Me:    South Africa, Tanzania, Zanzibar, and London then I'll be in London for 3 1/2 weeks.
Her:   That's so awesome. You know I've always wanted to go to Africa to see tigers.
Me:   *Crickets*
Her:   *a very wide grin with a far away look*
Me:    Tigers?  Africa is the wrong continent for tigers
Her:   *confusion* Really? Are you sure?
Me:   *looks at her like she's a complete idiot*  I'm pretty sure
Her:   Huh. I always thought that tigers were the female version of a lion.
Me:   *Crickets*  Are you serious right now?
Her:   So you're saying tigers are not the female version of lions?
Me:    I can't talk to you anymore.   *walks away*

I really couldn't make this stuff up if I tried....


In other news, I emailed the security clearance people about my case. They told me to check back around mid-October.  The person who responded wasn't very nice about; very curt in fact.  I definitely like the nurses in medical better. 

There really isn't a big rush for me to get clearance at this point. Word on the street is that there will be a January class. I'm not too keen on that because my trip is already paid for. I would rather have a March class but what I want and what DOS wants for me are two totally different things. Besides, my score was so low I may not even get called for January.  I guess I'll just cross that bridge when/if I get to it.

Happy New Year!!

to everyone out there in the world.  I hope 2012 finds you all healthy, happy, and excited for what's to come. I know I am. 

It's been a while. Yes, I know, but it's hard to blog about my life when I originally started it because I wanted to document my journey of becoming a FSO.   What's been happening in my life lately doesn't seen to coincide with that.  Obviously, I have mixed feelings about it.  IDK, we'll see.  Speaking of the foreign service....yes, I have officially applied to take the FSWE in February. Yay! I've taken it once so I know what to expect. The 'OH $#!& ' moment I had last time won't happen again and I'll be able to concentrate. I'm claiming it and speaking it into existence that I'm going to pass, make it the through the OA, clearance, and the register to be in the Foreign Service. I'm going to make it.

I got my diploma in the mail. WOOT! WOOT!  It's still so weird. I am the Master of something; International Business to be exact! Go me! Go me! I'm also flirting with the idea of going back to get a second masters in Diplomacy or International Relations.  I'm just bored, I think, but I don't want to be a professional student getting degrees simply because I can get them.  I actually want to use this knowledge I'm acquiring.

I'm also sick. Mandolin convinced me that all children are incubators of all communicable diseases. They just carry all sorts of germs.  I spent Christmas Day with her and since I hadn't seen her much she was like my 3rd leg. She gave all sorts of hugs, lovely super wet kisses, coughs to the face...the whole 9.  About a week later, the Friday before New Year's Eve, I get sick. Sick as a dog, I tell you.  So, I spent all of last weekend in bed with chills, back ache, shortness of breath, and a nasty cough.  Thanks, Mandolin. Her mom didn't believe me when I told her that Mandolin gave me typhoid.  She called me yesterday hacking and sneezing. Good luck on that a super awesome adventure that awaits you, Jill. She hung up on me. I chuckled.

I have to say I'm very optimistic about the year to ahead.  I'm excited about where my career is headed, the love in my life is progressing, and all of my family and friends are happy and healthy. What more could a girl want?!?

Post-Rejection Feelings, Introspection & Lessons Learned

It's been a while, blog world friends, I hope life finds you well...or at least maintaining.

So the moment I allowed myself to cry and do whatever I needed to do actually into hours and just about a day.  I called my mom on the way to ZUMBA and just started hysterically crying while driving.  She tried to help, I then pulled myself together, and I tried to work it out during ZUMBA. I nearly made it through until I started crying during the cool down. The song is called "I Believe" and is sung by Yolanda Adams from the Honey soundtrack. You can listen to it here, although I have never seen the movie.  In the car driving home, I cried.  I was just a big blubbering mess. It was awful.

I love my mom. She's amazing! She knows just what to say in my times of need; she's soothing, sympathetic, and knows me better than anyone. Most importantly she got me to stop crying so I could drive. She gave me some great advice...it just wasn't my time.  She then asked me what I wanted to do.  "Work for the Foreign Service", was my reply.   "In what capacity?"  "It doesn't matter, I just want to travel and serve."  She then reminded me of a movie I saw when I was 15, Not Without My Daughter with Sally Field. Sally Field married an Iranian man who lied and said they were going to visit family in Iran only to be held captive.  She, then, runs with her child across the country to the American Embassy.  The movie ends with her walking down a deserted street with her daughter in her arms, coming around the corner, and seeing the American Flag waving the in wind.  They were home.  That is the moment I wanted to serve, I wanted to be a part of that. To be the person, who helped them the moment they entered the Embassy.  This time just wasn't my time.  The whole point, my mom said, was to get me to see that eventually I will get there.   The road I've chosen just won't be easy as I thought it was going to be.  At the end of the day, nothing ever is.  *smacks myself upside the head* Why did I expect the opposite?

This was an incredible life lesson for me.  I understand. I will keep plugging away. I will apply next year.  I will take the FSWE exam later on this year. This time I will prepare for it.   Hopefully, I will pass and my journey will continue.  While the OMS, is a nice backup for me.  What I really truly deep down in my heart want to be is a consular officer.  It's not my time.  I have this fantasy that I will be the one helping that mother or father reunite with a child that was kidnapped, or visiting someone in a foreign jail who bought a certain white powdery substance and tried to do something illegal, or even simply approving someone to receive a visa to come to the United States.  So, I will continue on my path.  I know my road leads to the FS. I guess I have a few things standing in the way just yet. I have graduate school staring me in the face.  I'm so close I can taste it.   I, also, just received the call from my job that I was selected to interview for the management development program with the Comptroller's Office.  If I get it, that will be another notch on my resume and will give me excellent management experience.   I have a lot going on in my life.  Maybe it wasn't my time because I need t complete these projects first and then I will be better prepared.   Who knows....I will keep my chin up, swallow the pride, and keep plugging along.   Eventually, I will get there because I am still amazing, awesome, and pretty fabulous if I do say so myself.