It's been a while, blog world friends, I hope life finds you well...or at least maintaining.
So the moment I allowed myself to cry and do whatever I needed to do actually into hours and just about a day. I called my mom on the way to ZUMBA and just started hysterically crying while driving. She tried to help, I then pulled myself together, and I tried to work it out during ZUMBA. I nearly made it through until I started crying during the cool down. The song is called "I Believe" and is sung by Yolanda Adams from the Honey soundtrack. You can listen to it here, although I have never seen the movie. In the car driving home, I cried. I was just a big blubbering mess. It was awful.
I love my mom. She's amazing! She knows just what to say in my times of need; she's soothing, sympathetic, and knows me better than anyone. Most importantly she got me to stop crying so I could drive. She gave me some great advice...it just wasn't my time. She then asked me what I wanted to do. "Work for the Foreign Service", was my reply. "In what capacity?" "It doesn't matter, I just want to travel and serve." She then reminded me of a movie I saw when I was 15, Not Without My Daughter with Sally Field. Sally Field married an Iranian man who lied and said they were going to visit family in Iran only to be held captive. She, then, runs with her child across the country to the American Embassy. The movie ends with her walking down a deserted street with her daughter in her arms, coming around the corner, and seeing the American Flag waving the in wind. They were home. That is the moment I wanted to serve, I wanted to be a part of that. To be the person, who helped them the moment they entered the Embassy. This time just wasn't my time. The whole point, my mom said, was to get me to see that eventually I will get there. The road I've chosen just won't be easy as I thought it was going to be. At the end of the day, nothing ever is. *smacks myself upside the head* Why did I expect the opposite?
This was an incredible life lesson for me. I understand. I will keep plugging away. I will apply next year. I will take the FSWE exam later on this year. This time I will prepare for it. Hopefully, I will pass and my journey will continue. While the OMS, is a nice backup for me. What I really truly deep down in my heart want to be is a consular officer. It's not my time. I have this fantasy that I will be the one helping that mother or father reunite with a child that was kidnapped, or visiting someone in a foreign jail who bought a certain white powdery substance and tried to do something illegal, or even simply approving someone to receive a visa to come to the United States. So, I will continue on my path. I know my road leads to the FS. I guess I have a few things standing in the way just yet. I have graduate school staring me in the face. I'm so close I can taste it. I, also, just received the call from my job that I was selected to interview for the management development program with the Comptroller's Office. If I get it, that will be another notch on my resume and will give me excellent management experience. I have a lot going on in my life. Maybe it wasn't my time because I need t complete these projects first and then I will be better prepared. Who knows....I will keep my chin up, swallow the pride, and keep plugging along. Eventually, I will get there because I am still amazing, awesome, and pretty fabulous if I do say so myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment