If you look at President Obama now and past Presidents Bush (the 2nd one) and Clinton, they all turned gray pretty quickly. Why? It's the stress from holding the greatest job in the world. My little 2 jobs and my school has turned me gray. Yep, that's right at 31, I have gray hair. Part of it is my mom turned prematurely gray and apparently it starts in the wrong with the big bold long stripe. Yes, I have that too! It's okay. It is a sign that I have lived in my few short years on this Earth. Yes, let's get to it; updates.....
A couple of months ago, I applied for a leadership program through my job with the State of MD. I don't really know exactly what it does but if I can put together what I'm learning in my MBA program with on the job training of how to be a successful leader, I will take it. This past Monday, I had my interview. I thought I bombed it out. It was at 3:15pm and as the day went on, I worked myself up into a frenzy. I felt like I wasn't making any sense at all, my thoughts weren't coherent, and I felt like I was rambling. It was just bad. It was so bad, I thought I was going to cry afterwards. However, when the dreaded question "why should we choose you for the job?" I did manage to say "well aside from the fact that I am absolutely amazing....." They laughed. Yay for small miracles. I gave it up and convinced myself that I didn't get it. From all of the people that I know applied, it was stiff competition. Yesterday, my big boss (my supervisors, boss' boss) came over to my cubicle and was like "I heard you had a great interview!" Wait! Stop! Hold the presses!! You mean I had a great interview? No I didn't! I bombed! She says to me, you had one of the best out of everyone! OMG!!! So I learned that I'm so critical of myself and I strive for perfection so much that my idea of perfection isn't everyone else's perception. And when I actually do a great job, I need to acknowledge that I tried my best and that is a great job no matter what. I am work in progress....
I found a new friend. I met her on the OMS board. We are in the same boat. We got rejected. We will be rejection buddies.. It's hard not having someone who has gone through the process and subsequently gotten rejected to talk to. There is a little group of us that went through the initial phase together (ie...constantly worried about not getting an invite) and 2 of us passed and 2 of didn't. While I am extremely supportive and truly excited for those that passed on the one hand, on the other I'm still pissed off and a little jealous. What is it about them that they were chosen and I wasn't? That's all I want to know. And totally not to toot my own horn but I have an advanced degree and I have admin experience and I've always worked for a governmental agency. I don't get it. I'm a very analytical person. I need to understand it in order for it to make sense to me, and this, my friends, doesn't make sense. Like my new friend's husband said, it's darts. I don't care how many ways you look at it, it's darts. It makes me nuts and frankly it's not fair. "Life isn't fair" Yes, I know. But, I thought an advanced degree was supposed to give a slight advantage. What happened to that? Eventually, I will accept it. And yes, I will try again. It just sucks.......
This one was a little depressing and quite long so I will end on a positive happier note. ZUMBA! It's amazing. If you haven't tried, it please do. It's a great cardio workout.. This song is called Zumba he! Zumba ha! My instructor is the featured video girl. She's ah-mazing! When I'm in class, I envision myself as a 4'9, Latina with curly hair that goes on for days. Until next time.....
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