Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Stress will turn you gray

If you look at President Obama now and past Presidents Bush (the 2nd one) and Clinton, they all turned gray pretty quickly.  Why? It's the stress from holding the greatest job in the world.  My little 2 jobs and my school has turned me gray. Yep, that's right at 31, I have gray hair.  Part of it is my mom turned prematurely gray and apparently it starts in the wrong with the big bold long stripe. Yes, I have that too! It's okay.  It is a sign that I have lived in my few short years on this Earth.  Yes, let's get to it; updates.....

A couple of months ago, I applied for a leadership program through my job with the State of MD.  I don't really know exactly what it does but if I can put together what I'm learning in my MBA program with on the job training of how to be a successful leader, I will take it.  This past Monday, I had my interview.  I thought I bombed it out. It was at 3:15pm and as the day went on, I worked myself up into a frenzy.  I felt like I wasn't making any sense at all, my thoughts weren't coherent, and I felt like I was rambling.  It was just bad. It was so bad, I thought I was going to cry afterwards.  However, when the dreaded question "why should we choose you for the job?" I did manage to say "well aside from the fact that I am absolutely amazing....." They laughed. Yay for small miracles.   I gave it up and convinced myself that I didn't get it.  From all of the people that I know applied, it was stiff competition.    Yesterday, my big boss (my supervisors, boss' boss) came over to my cubicle and was like "I heard you had a great interview!"  Wait! Stop! Hold the presses!! You mean I had a great interview? No I didn't! I bombed!  She says to me, you had one of the best out of everyone!  OMG!!!  So I learned that I'm so critical of myself and I strive for perfection so much that my idea of perfection isn't everyone else's perception.  And when I actually do a great job, I need to acknowledge that I tried my best and that is a great job no matter what.   I am work in progress....

I found a new friend. I met her on the OMS board. We are in the same boat. We got rejected. We will be rejection buddies.. It's hard not having someone who has gone through the process and subsequently gotten rejected to talk to.  There is a little group of us that went through the initial phase together (ie...constantly worried about not getting an invite) and 2 of us passed and 2 of didn't. While I am extremely supportive and truly excited for those that passed on the one hand, on the other I'm still pissed off and a little jealous.  What is it about them that they were chosen and I wasn't?   That's all I want to know. And totally not to toot my own horn but I have an advanced degree and I have admin experience and I've always worked for a governmental agency.  I don't get it.   I'm a very analytical person. I need to understand it in order for it to make sense to me, and this, my friends, doesn't make sense.  Like my new friend's husband said, it's darts.  I don't care how many ways you look at it, it's darts.  It makes me nuts and frankly it's not fair. "Life isn't fair" Yes, I know. But,  I thought an advanced degree was supposed to give a slight advantage.  What happened to that?   Eventually, I will accept it. And yes, I will try again.  It just sucks.......

This one was a little depressing and quite long so I will end on a positive happier note.  ZUMBA! It's amazing. If you haven't tried, it please do. It's a great cardio workout.. This song is called Zumba he! Zumba ha!  My instructor is the featured video girl. She's ah-mazing!  When I'm in class, I envision myself as a 4'9, Latina with curly hair that goes on for days.  Until next time.....

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Finance class sucks!!

Of course you know that I'm in graduate school.  My current class is Global Financial Management.  It's a finance class.  I have had many finance classes in my BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration) but this is just off the charts!  It reads like Swahili to me and because I am not yet in the FS I haven't been able to learn Swahili.  I have one of these professors everyone hates. He doesn't teach. He just reads and expects us to know. No, I don't know which is why you are there to teach me....and your have those fancy letters behind your name that begins with a p and ends with a d.  You get paid to teach me about finance (not that I care about it) but still.  I am officially struggling, and I don't struggle.  So, I'm hoping for a B.  The moral of the story is...1. my class sucks  2. my professor sucks   3. I don't care about finance  4. only 3 more classes to go.  I can do this!    That is all. I just needed to vent and considering it's 2am, I couldn't call anyone because everyone is sleeping.

In other news of the day, I broke my kindle.  I didn't even have it for 24 hours. It all happened in slow mo. I screamed/nearly cried.  They will send me a new one Yay!  Josh isn't mad at me! Yay^2! 

I'm going to bed now.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Thailand in pictures....The Patara Elephant Farm, Chiang Mai

My day with the elephants was the best day of my life! The only thing on my list that was a must see was riding the elephants.  I didn't want to watch elephants paint or do stupid tricks; it's not natural for an elephant to do that. I was afraid I would get there and be upset that the elephants were being abused or something.  Thank God for google!  I found this website. They are also on YouTube here What Pat is doing to conserve the Thai elephant is amazing! He teaches about conservation by being an elephant owner for a day.  We had our own elephant and we did everything from bathing them, feeding them, and walking them. We even filed their nails! Sticking my hand in an elephants mouth while feeding them is a surreal experience! I am forever attached to Patara as I left a piece of my heart with Pat and his elephants. If you are ever in the Chiang Mai area, please check them out!  

Fun fact #1, elephants purr when they are happy.  Fun fact #2, elephant poo doesn't stink if they are eating the proper things.


My first glimpse of the elephants


She just walked right up and said hello


Our awesome trainers who were so helpful

Drinking from the stream

BF Siusan and her elephant Mehwadee


Lunch was awesome! The fried chicken was AH-MAZ-ING! There were also different kinds of sticky rice. I miss sticky rice!

Had a nose itch


My elephant, Meghabaht

The twin! The only set in all of Thailand

The morning dew rising

Meghabaht and her trainer.


The mountains, the rice fields, and the elephants.  That is Thailand!




5 seconds before this, he put his trunk in my face and emptied it.

I love presents!

I have a kindle!! OMG!!  The "friend" bought it for me a present.  Remember the whole getting rejected from the foreign service?  That got me a kindle.  Well, not that situation singularly. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back and he wanted to get me something to bring my spirits up. He is being the supportive...dare I say boyfriend (gulp)?   It's all sorts of complicated. 

Anyway, he's been with me through a year and a half of school, and it seems that my MBA program has increased my stress level by 100 fold. He's with me through my 2 jobs and the 2nd part time one causes me great stress, and also of my pursuit to enter into the FS or a government job in general.  He's there on the sidelines supporting me and encouraging me the best way he knows how.  It is really sweet and I am very grateful that I have him. While I didn't call him when I got rejected, I was hysterically crying and I'm sure he could feel that so he bought me a present as a way to bring a smile to my face.  Thank God for good men...not because he gives me things..but because he's well...a good man. From listening to all my friends talk about their not so nice ones, I'm happy to have a great one.   As a bonus, he's willing to allow me to drag him all around the world as I live my dream in the FS.

So yes, my kindle. It's white and super pretty. I bought a leather cover for it and a skin to protect it already...of course it's pink.  I like pink. Pink is my favorite. OMG! I have a kindle! It's an exciting day for me! 

I heart him!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Mini Me

I can admit it, I'm going through withdrawals.  I miss her.  Mandolin is soooo dramatic. It's almost sickening.   She likes pink and purple; she's extremely girlie. She's venturing into the world of playing in dirt BUT she doesn't like to get dirty.   I'm confused! A few weeks ago her mom and godmother #2 were planting the veggie garden and Mandolin was helping.  She picked up some grass to through it in the trash and there was a worm. She looked at it quizzically, and then the worm touched her.  *Insert deathly scream* She starts running around in circles screaming at the the top of her lungs....

Mandolin: A worm! It's a worm! It tried to bite me! Somebody help me! It's a worm!

She is hysterically crying at this point (Mom and godmother #2 are laughing to the point of crying).....

Mandolin:  I'm going home!

*She stomps up the stairs and starts banging on the door for her daddy*

Mandolin:  Daddy let me in!  PAALLLEEEAASSEEE!!

*Daddy lets her in very concerned (He's such a pushover)*

Time lapse 20 minutes......

*Mandolin comes back outside completely composed*
*She pushes her hair out of her face, gives a deep sigh*

Mandolin:  The worm tried to bite me.  I no longer like dirt!  Hmmmphhh!

And that is my faboush goddaughter, Mandolin Grace.  Although I did not give birth to her, she is my mini me.  She's so completely dramatic, expressive, and super cute. I am the same way.  I don't know if it's because we are both Virgos (her birthday is 9/20 and I'm 9/11) or it's the only child syndrome that we have in common, I would've done the same thing if a worm touched me.   They are creepy crawlies...ewww!!    Not to worry, her other godmother is all about getting dirty, rolling around in the grass, and ruining her clothes.  She will be exposed to both sides. Below are pictures from the birthday party last week.  Don't let the cute fool you though.


This is the 2nd attempt. She was afraid at first and the mustered the courage to try again.  So proud!

She asked the baby goat where its mom was. Deep conversation this was.



After this, she kissed the rabbit.



Life through the eyes of a 3yr old.....

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Africa, are you ready for me?

There is a really big bright spot to all of OMS rejection stuff.  I can move forward with my travel plans.  Yay!  J has offered, as a graduate school graduation present, to pay for our trip to Africa.  I was really really worried about it because our plan it to go December '12/January '13 for a month. Maybe like the 2nd week of December to the 2nd week of January or some variation of.  If I would've gotten or been in the process of getting the job with the FS, I wouldn't have been able to go.  But, now I can.  Yay ^2.   So, yep! I'm going to Africa.  Cool, huh?

There are a couple of reasons why I'm a little nervous.  A month long trip is very stressful to plan, I should know I did it for my Thailand.  It takes an endless amount of time to plan, interviewing travel agents who are experts in the region, researching things to do for the season and period that we're going to be there, and most of all, dealing with yours truly.  I am a certified travel snob, I can't help it.  I've traveled extensively and I've stayed in hostels, to low budget places, to 6 star hotels.  I know what I like and I'm at the age where I'm allowed to stay where I like.  J has also decided that he wants to plan the trip all by himself.  *clutches pearls*.  There are many reasons why this is a problem. 1. He's a man.  2. He's never really traveled before 3. He is currently dragging his you know what about it all.  *sidebar: he is also going at a snails pace about going to a zumba class, but I'm not saying anything about anything*.   I know he reads my blog, so....."dude, get the lead out and get with it".  4. He's a man and he will probably wait until the last minute.   

We've chosen South Africa because it's South Africa. There is also excellent SCUBA in Mozambique. The safari site is TBD, that is his job. Ahh! There's so much to do and see. How will I be able to fit it all in?  I've given him my list; he knows what I want to do, now it's just up to him.  Will I have to stay in a tent on a safari?  Will the tent have air conditioning?   I guess I'll have to be one with nature as it is a safari and most people can only dream about trips like this much less actually go on one. When I think about it like that I can do it...if I have to...I think.  If I can smell like elephant for days on end, I can stay in a tent for a couple of days.  When in Rome....

Most of all, I'm excited to experience the different countries I will be visiting.  I really want to experience the Maasai culture, but they only live in Kenya and Tanzania. My only reference I have is what I have seen on tv.  I can remember going to see Sarafina on Broadway when I was younger and watching the movie "Cry Freedom" with my mom.  I also remember driving to school on the morning Nelson Mandela was released from prison.  I am excited see everything.  I feel like there is always so much negative press about Africa, in general.  HIV and AIDS, hunger, the situation in Libya, Sudan, and Congo are all so important and the world needs to know about them, but there is an untapped beauty that many people don't now about it.  I can't wait to see it for myself!  

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I'm over 3 yr olds....

Don't get me wrong.  I love my goddaughter Mandolin Grace more than anything.  I really really do! Her parents went on a mini-break to Atlanta on Wednesday and I volunteered to watch her while they were away.  1. It would give me a chance to spend some much needed time with her and 2. I've missed my munchkin'.    Well...that was on Wednesday! Today is Sunday, and I'm ready to go home!  Like really really ready.   Mom and Dad, where are you?!?   Her vocabulary is crazy vast and she has no problem telling me what she does or does not want to do...in public!  Not to mention the fact that she ran up and down the aisles screaming at the top of her lungs.   Then, when I tried to correct her, she screamed, "DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU'RE HURTING ME!" *breathe*  It's safe to say, we had a little conversation in the bathroom about the correct way to be.   I couldn't take it so I had to call for reinforcements; my mom or as Mandolin likes to say Gigi.  Oooh, she's going to get it! She straightened up quick fast and in a hurry.  My mom put the whammy down.  WHHOOOPAH!  I love my mom!  She's the best!  I can't deal with 2 things; screaming and whining.  It makes me nuts.  She's been doing it all week.  I love her, but I'm over her.  She's 3 and I'm sure for her, it's great to be 3, but for me, 3 yr old, Mandolin Grace is natural birth control.  (I'm never having sex again unless Alexsander Skarsgard or Paul Bettany or Jude Law comes knocking at my door, but that's beside the point). She enjoys torturing me. I can see it in her eyes.  We're going to a birthday part this afternoon with other 3/4 yr t olds.  I'm scared! Dear Jesus, please help me!  I'm so happy I don't have babies.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Post-Rejection Feelings, Introspection & Lessons Learned

It's been a while, blog world friends, I hope life finds you well...or at least maintaining.

So the moment I allowed myself to cry and do whatever I needed to do actually into hours and just about a day.  I called my mom on the way to ZUMBA and just started hysterically crying while driving.  She tried to help, I then pulled myself together, and I tried to work it out during ZUMBA. I nearly made it through until I started crying during the cool down. The song is called "I Believe" and is sung by Yolanda Adams from the Honey soundtrack. You can listen to it here, although I have never seen the movie.  In the car driving home, I cried.  I was just a big blubbering mess. It was awful.

I love my mom. She's amazing! She knows just what to say in my times of need; she's soothing, sympathetic, and knows me better than anyone. Most importantly she got me to stop crying so I could drive. She gave me some great advice...it just wasn't my time.  She then asked me what I wanted to do.  "Work for the Foreign Service", was my reply.   "In what capacity?"  "It doesn't matter, I just want to travel and serve."  She then reminded me of a movie I saw when I was 15, Not Without My Daughter with Sally Field. Sally Field married an Iranian man who lied and said they were going to visit family in Iran only to be held captive.  She, then, runs with her child across the country to the American Embassy.  The movie ends with her walking down a deserted street with her daughter in her arms, coming around the corner, and seeing the American Flag waving the in wind.  They were home.  That is the moment I wanted to serve, I wanted to be a part of that. To be the person, who helped them the moment they entered the Embassy.  This time just wasn't my time.  The whole point, my mom said, was to get me to see that eventually I will get there.   The road I've chosen just won't be easy as I thought it was going to be.  At the end of the day, nothing ever is.  *smacks myself upside the head* Why did I expect the opposite?

This was an incredible life lesson for me.  I understand. I will keep plugging away. I will apply next year.  I will take the FSWE exam later on this year. This time I will prepare for it.   Hopefully, I will pass and my journey will continue.  While the OMS, is a nice backup for me.  What I really truly deep down in my heart want to be is a consular officer.  It's not my time.  I have this fantasy that I will be the one helping that mother or father reunite with a child that was kidnapped, or visiting someone in a foreign jail who bought a certain white powdery substance and tried to do something illegal, or even simply approving someone to receive a visa to come to the United States.  So, I will continue on my path.  I know my road leads to the FS. I guess I have a few things standing in the way just yet. I have graduate school staring me in the face.  I'm so close I can taste it.   I, also, just received the call from my job that I was selected to interview for the management development program with the Comptroller's Office.  If I get it, that will be another notch on my resume and will give me excellent management experience.   I have a lot going on in my life.  Maybe it wasn't my time because I need t complete these projects first and then I will be better prepared.   Who knows....I will keep my chin up, swallow the pride, and keep plugging along.   Eventually, I will get there because I am still amazing, awesome, and pretty fabulous if I do say so myself. 

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Rejected

Yep, that's right everyone in blog land. I got rejected! The OMS doesn't want me. Why? I don't know. I wish someone could tell me though. Being the crazy overachiever that I am, I would like to know so I can fix it for next year.  This is a double whammy for me though because last year I received the email that I was tentatively invited to the OA, I just needed to submit my MS cert. I completely bombed that at the last minute and didn't have time to retake it.  The turn of today's events makes me wonder if I had passed the test, where would I be now?

I really shouldn't have opened it work because I can't breakdown like I want to.  So, I'm going to wait until I get into my car on my drive to ZUMBA and have the really good cry. I just need a moment. That will be my moment.  

There is a mushroom in my ear

Seksi ENT: (Looks in my ear)
Seksi ENT: Your ear is a mess.
Me:  Wah?
Seksi ENT:  Well, the antibiotics that I gave you killed the bacteria but it seems as though the fungus ate said dead bacteria and now you have a fungal infection.
Me: You mean I have a mushroom in my ear?
Seksi ENT:  That is a correct (as he tries in vain to stifle his hysterical laughter)

He then goes onto say how my eardrum is inside itself but my hearing test was relatively normal but I am experiencing some hearing loss. The great thing is that it has not affected my ear drum or the inner ear. So it's most likely the middle ear.  Pause....

Me: So, I have athlete's foot in my ear, then? And I'm not going deaf? And all of this happened because I got a cold in April? (Insert freak out here)  Well what if you can't fix it and then I can't get into the foreign service because I can't pass my medical clearance because of my ear?  I'm going to be drunk and under a table, with a bad ear, and my life will be in ruins. 
Seksi ENT: Relax, it's curable. You're trying to get into the foreign service?
Me:  I'm trying, but I don't think they will let you in with a mushroom in your ear.
Seksi ENT: More hysterical laughter.

He thinks I'm funny (possibly a little crazy), I think he's super seksi. It's a fair trade off.

In other news, after my ear visit,  I went to the DMV for my mom to renew her car registration.  I couldn't just renew, I had to pay her speeding tickets before I could renew. Hundreds of dollars that cost.  In Maryland, we have speed cameras. They catch you, they mail you a ticket, and then you have to pay it. It is a non-negotiable. There is this 1 road that my mom drives to get home from work and they always catch her.   Funny though, when I'm in the car with her she drives at a snails pace. It drives me insane.  She does it on purpose. She's like that.

The DMV is great people watching. No really, it is. The hour and half I spent waiting was funfreakingtastic, and it was all because of the faboush people there! A word to the wise though (although I think this is pretty much common sense. However, you have to consider the source) if you're going to be in a government building, standing near a state trooper, and scream at the top of your lungs that they need to hurry up or else you "will go Bin Laden on some people", please be prepared to be detained/arrested by said state trooper who is in your vacinity due to the terrorist threat you just made.  I'm just saying....

OMS update:  Nada, zilch, zippo, none, niente.
FSWE:  Will take it again in October.
MBA update:  It's summer session at AIU so we get a week break after every class. I'm so happy not to have school this week. 4 classes left and counting...